Monday, November 11, 2013

Not Too Late

Turn off all the lights, lay in the middle of your floor. Play "Rosie's Lullaby" by Norah Jones, and close your eyes. Write down the first word you think of when it's over. Repeat. Write down what you felt the second time you heard it.

Rosie is standing on the shore wanting something to pull her away from the life she has, so she has to "close her eyes and dream" of somewhere, something else.

First word : Dreams.
Feeling : I laid on the floor and imagined a familiar room, with white cement walls where frigid air filled the empty spaces. I can picture the big window on my right, and the open spaces in between the window and bed. I felt goosebumps. 

I listened to the words and in the song she says " feeling so small, at the bottom of the world looking up at God".

Reminded me of the current moment in my life, as I am just at the shore watching the water pull back into the ocean. I am watching all these things happen, and I look out at them and close my eyes and dream.

Today in church, we talked about how society is a now generation. Instant. 

I think I need to steer away from that, and look at the long term goals I am working for. The problem with that, is that it doesn't make sense when there is no one to share it with. I am not in need of anyone, just the ONE. 
Tonight I was texting a dear friend, some pretty clear advice.

I said : I think when you have seen the things you don't want, the one comes along and it feels right. It proposes challenges, and it's crazy and perfect. Its torture but is mad passion. Love is felt, only you can feel it, but you can share it too. When you find someone to share it with, don't let them go. Face every battle and climb the mountains together and laugh on the downhill slopes. But never let someone else tell you how to love. Not only that, but its almost certain pain will exists in your life. Id rather go crazy and do something out of normal to feel pain. Its a reminder we are human. Love life crazy, and if it hurts you in the end, well then it was something learned. But never regret something that makes your heart happy. 

I suppose I need to learn to take my own advice. Love drives you mad. But it's worth it, getting crazy mad with someone you can lose yourself in. I know things take time, so like I said, long term goals. But when you know you want to be with someone, waiting just seems idiotic. Everything else seems so little when you are picturing life elsewhere, even when the whole world thinks you are wrong. 

Tonight I am sad, that I am in this deep hole, and unsure of how to dig myself out. I do know, that those big ships that are rolling in and lighting up the night are taking me out there sometime soon. I can see myself now, sitting on the coast, closing my eyes, letting the moonlight shine on me, toes tickled by the salty water that is filling my nose. I can see it now, and when I open my eyes I can see myself laying in your apartment, in the moonlight.

Rosies lullaby leading into my own dreams. lullaby

xo Kelly